My name is Harlee and for the last 10 or so years I've been in chronic pain.
For many years I haven't known why, just theory's and speculations. I've gone through and still going the many stages of anguish that many of us face when dealing with something that feels like dooms what we could be, but thankfully I am still here and still trying to navigate through a little thing called life.
I used to joke that my pain is way more overachieving than I am, which I guess is kinda true. It has grown, worsened and surprised me in ways I've never expected. I've had good periods where I thought I must be cured just with little residual symptoms to keep me humble, as well as terrible periods where I felt in myself there is no way that I can live everyday feeling that way.
I've fought (viciously) , I've given up and succumb to not caring ( and constant medication) but eventually I found myself on a path where I'm trying as hard as I might to care less about my future and do everything i can with now, no matter my limitation that day. Things still crash around me at times but I'm trying to remember that now is the time to make memories with my partner and daughter that I can reflect on when I end up a 40 year old woman in a 90 year old's body.
A few months ago I got diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, something that with my Australian accent becomes increasingly hard to say, and suspected endometriosis. While a diagnosed hasn't fix a thing or made it easier in a big way, after years of chasing an answer I now know. While being in constant pain truly sucks most times, at least I am able find people who I can relate to, laugh with and maybe even cry with, complete strangers I may never known about otherwise.
I hope if you are reading this I hope you are having the best day you possibly can, and if not that's okay, you are allowed to feel down and have every right to do what you need to do, we always have the possibility of a better tomorrow.
- Harlee (The Pain Diaries)