Chronic Illness Mental Rutt

I get lower and lower,

each stroke of the shovel.

The suns getting dimmer,

my screams feel muzzled.

I feel alone, disdained,

my thoughts are all scrambled.

Mentally fighting to remain,

yet I feel so dismantled.

Submerged in pain,

stress and anxiety.

Poker face is maintained,

while my body acts out defiantly.

Heavy as bricks,

my whole body and mind.

All of my problems, they quip..

making me feel maligned.

Boulder upon boulder,

I’m stuck in this pit.

Life laughing at me..it smolders,

not wanting to remit.

Continuing its fury,

Not responding to any measures,

Trying to bury me,

while it takes all the pleasure.

I’m lost down here,

stumbling as I go,

Each day is unclear,

Time seems to move slow.

Attached with its teeth,

Claiming as me,

My mind, it feels breeched,

like it’s the new Addressee.

Nothing is safe,

bulldozing over,

Everything it claims,

hostile takeover.

The suns been gone

but I’ve been here before.

I’m chugging along,

Gunna pull myself up once more.

Life with Chronic Illness and the games it plays on one’s Mind. 💔

I wrote this poem because that’s how myself and others feel eventually/at times with Chronic Illness and even Advocacy. We can become so intertwined with our pain and symptoms (because we feel them daily) that they sort of overpower us mentally too. It can swallow our minds while leaving nothing left but jumble and fog.

Since July 2021, I have been in a Mental Rutt. Emotionally, physically, whole heartedly, due to my illnesses and pain and life struggles that revolve around them. I became tired of living my own life, I got buried by it mentally. I’m slowly making my way back to the top of my hole. I’m reaching and reaching. I will and have continued to pick myself up but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get harder and harder to do so. This is life with Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain and the way it tries to take over every aspect of YOU. Even your mind.

Until next time. 🤗

XoXo Belinda

@thechronicallyillqueen