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Been with me since 14,

Hitting me out of a dream.

Not knowing what it would all mean,

With pain so bad I could scream.

Only one person believed,

Labeled “Just another Young Teen.”

The little girl with Endo, I grieve.

She endures Medical Gaslighting.

No where to turn to, No where to lean.

With a disease that’s malicious and mean.

The nausea, contractions, fatigue,

A diagnosis, out of most doctors league.

No cure, no treatment,

No help, no advice.

Left to ferment,

A Fool’s Paradise.

Traumatized and suffering,

Full body plundering.

Lack of knowledge, puzzling.

Multiple organs, it’s covering.

Early teens they say Hysterectomy,

At 18 they say “get pregnant.”

For help I’d beg and plea,

Never listening, completely regnant.

Medications, surgeries and scars.

They didn’t say it’d be this hard.

A statement they pull out their ass.

They tell me the pain will “eventually pass.”

Dictating my treatment,

Forcing iuds.

Making me suffer longer,

All for the sake of greed.

This disease and I strife.

Mode: Just Survive.

18 years of my life,

Advocating, I strive.

Disease against me, Treason

31 yr old me, I’ll thrive.

I’m worth it. The reason.

14yr old me, Hopes Revived. 💛💛

Because Endo is so much more than just a painful period. It’s taken up most of my life. 18yrs to be exact. I’ve learned a lot along the way. I have a lot to learn still. I wish I could tell that little 14yr old girl that she’d be okay. I wish I could tell her that eventually she will learn to navigate the medical world and help herself get the right treatments. I wish I could tell her to trust her instincts and that she’s allowed to say “No!” I wish she knew that she’d end up sharing her journey publicly because she was afraid to tell people and afraid of the stigma around Endo. I wish that little girl could see me now and see the advocating I’ve done to help her. I wish she could see the strength we’ve developed and how brave she’ll be in the presence of doctors. I wish she knew she doesn’t need anyone but herself to speak up. I wish she’d know that her voice is powerful and she has the final say. I hope she knows how much she’s loved. I hope she knows how much help she’d get eventually because of her perseverance and that she will be able to successfully carry two children. She was told she never would. Although I never want to truly go back in time, I’d give anything to hold 14yr old me’s hand. 💛

-Belinda @thechronicallyillqueen

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1 Comment

Dr. Bhagat
Dr. Bhagat
Mar 01, 2022

I LOVE this poem. And I LOVE your wish for your 14 y.o. self even more. How much we have all learned through this journey and through opening up and sharing. Thank you for reminding me that iWave should reach out to younger Yi.

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