I have a hard time dealing with what’s possible. I have a hard time wishing for the amazing. I expect the worst and never even contemplate the best. I tend to accept any bad and just go with it. I complain a lot along the way because let’s face it who likes for things to be bad all the time. I still deal, handle it and keep it pushing. I have been told I’m “too negative” or “always looking for something to go wrong.” I’m told “why do you always look for the worst” or that I’m a “glass half empty” kind of person. Can you relate?
This constant negativity has been growing inside of me since I can remember. As a young kid my parents had a very rocky relationship, I had peers say they were my “friends” and then bully me later as a group. I’ve had bad health since childhood. I’ve been homeless, told I wouldn’t amount to anything. I’ve been abused mentally and emotionally and I didn’t even know it. So my mind altered itself to accept and cope with whatever negativity that came my way. I held onto it and just figured, if it’s going to happen what is the point of wishing for the best. This became my normal and I never knew the kind of hold it had on me, until I met Illene, my therapist.
Now, as an adult i’m learning my why, my reasons and with every single one that comes up, I have a revelation. While I’m relearning about the hurtful events in my life, I am learning to work through the trauma and that my negativity is a Coping Mechanism my mind and I have adapted to protect myself. It’s what we do when we’ve endured so much that we’ve pretty much conformed to it. It’s not our fault and that is one thing I can assure you and it is also not something to see as a bad thing.
Being “Negative” isn’t actually Negative. It’s our body and mind being proactive to help keep us safe, It’s adaptation. So while others may see it as a flaw, we can remind ourselves that they may have not endured anything quite like it and that’s a good thing BUT us being proactive isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
✨✨Here are some tips for helping the negativity.✨✨
✨Write down daily something good that happened. The tiniest thing.
(Ex: I brushed my teeth. My order of food was correct. I caught all green lights today. I seen a new movie on my streaming service and it was good. There was no one in line at the pharmacy today.)
✨Write down one affirmation a day.
(Ex. I am a genuine person. I love my friends whole heartedly. I managed to get through today and that makes me a beast!)
✨Write down an event that happened. Write down how you thought it was going to play out. Write down how it actually played out. Was it what you expected or was that just your negativity thinking?
✨Try to be more open minded. Think...what if it isn’t good or bad? What if it’s just going and I go along and see what happens. 🤗 It’s nervewrecking but worth a shot.
When to know your negativity is too active and becomes too much.
🥀When your not allowing yourself to be happy.
🥀When you take away any good moments you did have.
🥀When you don’t notice the small victories anymore.
🥀When you’re no longer driven to keep it pushing.
🥀 When I realized my negativity was becoming a bad thing for me, I was beginning to hate myself. As in, nothing I do is right, nothing I do is beneficial, I’m a burden and I’m not worthy. My anxiety AND negativity were eating away at me and I would idolize suicidal thoughts.
🌹Everything I have said in this blog is my opinion and story alone. Nothing I say is to be taken as medical advice. Please contact a professional for any mental and emotional help. 🌹
If you find yourself struggling, please contact help. Someone who can connect you to a professional. You are so deserving.❤️