I’ll remember wearing a cast on both arms. I’ll remember going to the nurse every single day junior year of high school to ask for ice because my hand was burning. I’ll remember holding my cousins for 5 minutes and having excruciating back pain for 2 days because of it. I’ll remember not being able to carry a purse many times because my back would start spasming. I’ll remember going around asking everyone for Tylenol because my daily headache was exceptionally bad. I’ll remember not being able to write answers to a test because I literally could not write at the moment and the teacher making me feel like I was an inconvenience. I’ll remember all the nights I spent crying myself to sleep and patting myself on the back and convincing myself the night will pass. I’ll remember all the medical bills in the mail. I’ll remember asking the doctor, concerned, if my pain will ever go away and her LAUGHING and saying- it may never go away. I’ll remember all the dances I watched and not being amazed by their expressions or talent but by the fact that they could raise their arms and MOVE them without pain. I’ll remember all the times I struggled to put my hair up because of the shooting pain in my arm. I’ll remember all the times I had to put a smile on my face when I was crucifying myself inside. I’ll remember going to the mall with my friends and hating myself even more than I do because I couldn’t wear anything because I didn’t want more people gasping at the skin condition on my legs. I’ll remember discreetly crying at graduation. I’ll remember all the embarrassing breakdowns in class because the stress was unbearable. I’ll remember crying on vacations because I couldn’t enjoy them because my back, neck, hands and head were hurting. I’ll remember talking to someone for a few hours over text and paying the price of that the next day in the form of pain. I’ll remember how my increasing anger with life and myself affected my parents and those around me. I’ll remember checking my college acceptance status ever day because I thought like my proper health, it will get taken away from me.
I’ll remember it all- every word, every emotion, every moment.
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to not suffer alone. If you feel like you don't have anyone, you have our team here at IWM to listen to provide you with a safe space and hear anything you want to share(always) We are always stronger when we lean on each other.