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Sometimes I really regret being honest with my doctors about being a recovering addict, especially the various PM docs I've seen. 1st one was nice and actually gave me meds that helped UNTIL there was a mixup with my urine screen. They didn't offer me a chance to retake or even tell me what was wrong they just sent a letter stating that I had a "bad" drug test and I was no longer their patient! So I had to find another PM. I was honest there too and it bit me in the ass. He saw the word "addict", disregarding the word "recovering" before it, and immediately pulled me off what was working well and put me on suboxone. I endured that place for maybe a year but it was over an hour 1 way, they were always packed&running late. I would sit in the lobby up to 3hrs then in a room another hour only for a PA and nurse to come in, count my meds and write the suboxone script. There was no asking how I was doing etc. Oh and everytime I had to fill out 30+ pages of forms just for them to flip through too fast to read and initial the pages.

After a year or so, when my insurance changed to BCBS, I decided to switch to the PM I have now. He's really nice and did a bunch of scans and injections but kept me on suboxone. He did increase to TID from BID. All the tests came back normal, duh lupus and fibro doesn't show on scans, so insurance won't pay for anymore cervical spine injections. He just keeps me on the damn suboxone despite that I report not being able to be active more than 10min at a time and a constant pain level between 7-8. I feel like had I never mentioned my recovery to ANY doc I would be getting better treatment and better pain relief.

I've been in recovery and actively working the program for 15.5yrs yet emotionally I'm at the lowest point since hitting bottom. All I do is sleep all day until husband is home, then I may or may not have the energy to get up for 1-2hrs to spend with him. Of course factor in the occasional bipolar mania and I'll be up all night 3-4 days in a row. I did that earlier this week. I don't have a steady job but I occasionally get a wedding flower gig which I currently have 1. I was up a total of 25hrs between 2 nights working on the bride's bouquet. I had multiple reasons for hitting it that hard, there was the mania, the fear that "if I don't hurry and get them done I won't be able to finish due to my illnesses" and the fact that I was actually enjoying myself for a change. This spree landed me nearly immobile for 3 days straight.

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