1/15/20. Today, I flew away liberated, empowered, accomplished, I feel so much self-love and confidence right now. Today I finished something FOR ME. Today, I was officially discharged from therapy!! This for me is such a huge accomplishment.
8mths ago I was in a bad place mentally. I was enraged, depressed and anxiety was sky high. I felt horrible and was hurting my relationships and was also being so difficult/hurtful to myself for being chronically ill and mentally unstable. I had so many bottled up emotions and trauma from my childhood I had not worked through. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. I didn’t know how to be me anymore. My past, illnesses, being a mom, fiancé and not being able to work all came crashing down on me and it was eating away at me. I decided I didn’t want to hurt like that anymore. Since then I never missed an appt and even though I was reluctant at first I did all my homework. I worked so damn hard to be where I am today. I put my blood, literal sweat and tears into my sessions. I gave Illene my ALL and she was amazing at figuring me out and helping me HELP MYSELF. I am so thankful for her and all she does! I am so blessed to have met her. She spoke TO me, she made me see I’M WORTH IT. She helped me realize my trauma isn’t my own fault and I must dive into it head first if I wanted to move forward. I have learned so much about myself. I’ve learned to speak up, I’ve learned to let go, I’ve learned skill and tools for my bad times/days. I’ve learned I’m in control and I don’t need anyone’s approval for what I do. I’ve learned to be a better mom and fiancé and how to make my relationships better. I never want to go back to who I was. Going through therapy was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I had tried multiple times before but I never imagined being in therapy long term, let alone being mentally stable enough for a professional to say “you’re exactly where you need to be,” and I’m so f*cken proud of my hard work.
Now let me reiterate, I’m not perfect, cured, 100% or fixed at all. I am simply in a better place then where I was 8mths ago. I’m stable enough to not need her every week but if I need her I can always start again and that’s the beauty of mental health. It’s okay to not be perfect and to need help. So as of right now I’m done and I cannot say that enough. I wish everyone could feel this feeling. Everyone deserves this!
If you need help and find yourself emotionally down, Do Not be afraid. Find yourself a pro who will listen and dedicate themselves to helping you get better. You are worth it and you deserve to live a beautiful life..but your transformation is under your control. You must decide whether or not if you want your wings. Honestly it took me forever to realize I didn’t want to be crawling around hurting anymore and I’m so glad I decided to change. 🦋@chronicallyillqueen