My Chronic Christmas

Sounds like a movie title right? To me it sounds like a movie where someone loves Christmas so much it becomes a condition. 😂 I don’t know but I wish that was my condition and not the list I actually have. (Anyone seen Wonder Woman yet? Get it..wish... anyways.)

Chronic Christmas for me describes my holiday to a T. Days leading up to Christmas I’m starting to feel pain in my usual way. I start to feel like I’m getting the flu in my usual way, body ache, after body ache, after body ache. I start to get my usual headache and migraine pain. I start to feel even more fatigued THAN my usual. I start to feel new pain and symptoms. I’m fighting.

During the Christmas Holiday itself, I’m in agony. Pain so bad I am crying when I’m alone and dying inside, holding my tears from falling when I’m in front of my family. I’m agitated and becoming less fun to be around. I slept both days. I promised my kids I’d sleep for 1 hour but it ended up being 4-5 Christmas Day. 💔Making them restless because they want to spend time with Mom as I’m pushing back and promising them “in a bit” “in a little bit” “moms hurting right now babies, maybe later.” My poor husband is left alone with the kids trying to make up for Mommy being incapacitated and entertaining them because well let’s face it, someone has to be the present parent during this time. 💔 He’s going back and forth checking on me and tending to his babies. When I am up, I’m playing as much as possible and trying to say yes to everything as they just want to be with us/ Me. Sounds so Merry and Bright huh.

Christmas usually comes with its pains. The pain of wanting to create and bake and fighting to try and finish fun things together. The pain of ailments sneaking up and saying “Merry Christmas you filthy animal!” As it wakes me and “A Happy New Year” as it follows me around for the day. The pain of being a failure and ruining Christmas even more so for my little family.

The Holidays are hard, for so many..and in so many different ways. I just wanted to share what it is like being Chronically Ill and flaring on Christmas.

(I have also spent my daughters first Christmas in the hospital due to my gut flares. Worst Holiday Ever! My poor husband spent a few days alone with our newborn baby. 💔😭)

My Chronic Christmas.🎄

@thechronicallyillqueen