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The Mirror

Tonight my boyfriend and I talked about how I have been feeling about my chronic illnesses and new diagnosis and treatments. A big part of this conversation revolved around how I am mentally feeling, and I thought I would share part of this very vulnerable conversation we had, because it is real, and it's a side I don't necessarily always share in regards to my illnesses.

Right now I'm at a weird point. There was a time where I was having extreme stomach pain, migraines, and physical things that everyone could see or notice. However, now things have shifted. Im still having physical symptoms, but I also have extreme fatigue. The feeling of not being able to do what I used to has become a one of the biggest struggles I face. Don't get me wrong, that feeling is always there, but more so lately. Even though I can think of times where on the outside I looked sicker, I think right now I am at my sickest. I'm tired, Im not holding nutrition down like I should, I just started Humira, I'm having fainting spells, I'm constantly tired, and overall mentally struggling.

At one point, I told him, "I look in the mirror and I can see how sick I am. I look exhausted. I look sickly. And that in itself is hard because I feel like I am starting to look like I feel."

I know one day things will get better. I know this is a rough patch. But I'm tired of the words "there is no treatment." Im tired of the words "I don't know how to help you any further." I'm tired of being tired.

Yours truly,


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