So there are about 19 minutes until I attend my Biology discussion in which I will contribute by saying "yeah" and "oh okay, thanks" because I have no idea what is going on, and I felt like writing before I do so, so here we are.
Today has simply been awful. I had an o-chem assignment due at 1 and I woke up at 9 to complete it, and it was insanely hard and I realized that I have no idea how to draw 8-tert-butyl-11-ethyl-3,5-dimethyltetradecane. And I am going to be honest, I don't really care(I hope my o-chem professor does not read this) My therapist had something pop up so I had to cancel my session. My apartment scared me into thinking I no longer have a place to stay during the spring semester. A random person used my debit card to buy something from Pottery Barn, so I had to cancel my card. I have had an awful migraine for the past two days. I am also extremely fatigued and recently started a new course of medications so I am also very nauseous. And on top of all of this, there is plenty more stressing me out and my academics are certainly suffering.
Days like this one often lead to flashbacks of how I was 3 years ago- super focused and healthy. I used to finish my assignments so quickly, being distracted by Instagram and Snapchat and Fibromyalgia symptoms was not something I was familiar with. And it's days like this one that I miss that focus the most, because I am really struggling without it. The last thing I want to do right now is attend class and take notes and make to-do lists, I can barely function because of this nausea and fatigue. But it is what it is, right? I don't really have another option and on the bright side, I'll feel proud of myself for accomplishing everything despite being sick. I may even learn how to successfully draw 8-tert-butyl-11-ethyl-3,5-dimethyltetradecane.
I felt like briefly writing about today and the space my head is in because I am working on honoring my bad days. Some days I am going to feel more sick than others. Some days I am going to work even slower. Some days I am going to fall behind. And that's okay, my frustration is valid. I hope you know that your feelings are valid too.
Thank you for reading this. It's time for me to hop on Zoom and pretend I know genetics :)