I just posted on my IG page about my Trial Run with a Spinal Cord Stimulator that I will have placed on Thursday 7/15/21.
When my back issues presented themselves in 2017 I definitely did not think I’d be where I am. I thought “back issues, eh. I’ll just deal.” As it progressed my thoughts changed from “I’m okay” to “wow, how will I continue to live a ‘normal’ life?”
Since 2017 I have fought hard for my treatment and the team of doctors I have now. I advocated for every single X-ray and MRI, for every single Injection, Nerve Block and Ablation. I advocated in some of the most gas-light and demeaning situations possible. I pushed back and stood up against Doctors, Surgeons and Medical Staff of all areas in circumstances I never thought I’d have to, just to get quality medical care AND this chance at a Trial Run. So although I am terrifed and afraid, I still have a duty to myself to Try.
I’m full of emotions, thoughts and feelings that orbit around this trial run. So to say I’m All Over The Place is an understatement.
People talk about wanting care and deserving it because it is so very important but what we don’t see and what’s also important is people talking about the real fear that comes with these procedures and medications we fight so hard for.
Yes, I fought for this but it doesn’t mean I’m not terrified. This is what it’s like being Chronically Ill and finally getting what you fought for.
Until Next Time
-Belinda
@thechronicallyillqueen
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