"You don't weigh 300 pounds, we can't help you with medications because you don't weight enough."
"Well I think your problems would be solved if you lost about twenty pounds. I can't really think of how to help you until then, so why don't you schedule a follow-up visit for July and try to drop some weight before then and we will see how you feel."
Both of these quotes came from two separate doctors. One of the hardest things about having a chronic illness is the weight fluctuations and learning to love your body. When I first got sick, I could not stop losing weight. I dropped like fifteen pounds in a month without trying. It got to a point where I wasn't allowed to work out because I was losing so much weight so quickly in an unhealthy way.
Fast forward to finally getting my Crohns some what under control, I started to gain weight quickly because I was actually able to eat. Then you add the prednisone and moon face... I gained all my weight back plus some. My self esteem was at an all time low. I felt like my body hated me and I hated the way I looked.
Then when I asked my gynecologist if there was a way to help me lose weight since it's hard for PCOS patients to do so, she told me I was overweight but not overweight enough. Like what?! Then, I was so proud of myself for losing ten pounds in a month before my GI appointment. When I go there he told me that I was overweight and that's what was causing a lot of my issues. He said I needed to lose twenty or more pounds before my follow up visit two months later. When I asked him if he had any advise being that I also have PCOS, his response was "have you tried running." I was furious. No doctor seems to be able to or want to help me, they just want to tell me to do it. I was so proud of the 10 pounds I had lost, and that moment just took away from the positivity that I could do it on my own.
I started researching how to lose weight with PCOS and modified how I worked out and have now lost 20 pounds. I know it's doable, but still, that ugly monster of mentally tearing myself apart is still there. I've been focusing a lot on being body positive and trying to appreciate my body, but some days are easier than others.
I know this post is kind of just a rant, but I figured I would share the honest truth about how I'm feeling in hopes it may help someone else know there are others going through the same thing. we got this guys!
Yours truly,
Kaitlyn
@trusting.my.gut